Another Music Monday Blog Party over and I want to thank Lauren and Emilia for celebrating with me. Their posts made me laugh, cry and enjoy some great music and I highly recommend to head over and see for yourself what’s on offer:
And besides enjoying my guests’ parties how have I celebrated?
Well, Tuesday morning I had another little tea party with some spiritual guests. There was a very delicious coffee with cocoa and spices and a couple of scones. I made it a point to celebrate my courage to leave a job, that I have come to really hate, without knowing where to go. I made it a
point to celebrate my strength as a young girl to survive utter hopelessness in very creative ways. Mostly I have labelled those ways as “Mental Health Problems” but in the last couple of months I have started to wonder if it would not be better to label them ” creative surviving”.
There is a poem I wrote many years ago in which I said, that it felt like I had died too when my mother passed away. In a way, that expressed it perfectly: That human desire to achieve your dreams and the ability to believe I deserve my needs to be met died on that day. It was the only way that I could cope with my mum’s death as strange as that sounds.
I have told you many times lately that I love Johnny Flynn’s song “The Water“. There is a line in the refrain that says: “I’m done with my dying!” And that has become a battle cry of mine:
I am so done with my dying from 35 years ago. I am so done with my dying of dreams and desires. I am so done with waiting for a saviour and being a victim. I am so done with it!
Of course, that means a lot of work. It means to be aware of what I have told my subconscious for years. It means that I take responsibility for my life, my finances and my decisions and stop giving power to circumstances and negative messages. My goodness, am I done with it.
I know from experience that these bursts of feeling powerful and energetic will die down and depressive and hopeless phases are just part of “The Bee Experience”. They have never stopped me. And they won’t especially now that I am aware of that part of me called “personal power”.
Lauren said in her post something about “owning who you are!” and that, I suspect, is what I am developing at the moment. And while having financial problems isn’t fun it’s definitely worth owning who you are in all your glory and gory. There are a lot of shadow parts of myself. But I have come to believe that they are the powerful bits that I need to get to where I am supposed to be as well as where I want to be.
That is another reason for this Music Monday Blog Party besides Emilia’s words in her first Music Monday Blog Party post: Encouraging you to celebrate, who you are and to own who you are, with me because that is my mission in life. We deserve to love who we are with all aspects involved.
Have a great week, my dear readers!
copyright: Songwriters: John Patrick Vivian Flynn
The Water lyrics © Warner/Chappell Music, Inc