#SoCS needs dough

*attention. Rude language that might offend some readers

I thought it was Groundhog Day:

I checked Linda’s blog and clicked on the SoCS post but didn’t register the date. The prompt asked about the last mail we received… d’oh oh no duh?!

Looks like the reader on the WP was a slight bit behind. So, what’s today’s prompt?

Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “dough/d’oh.” Use one, use both, use ’em any way you like. Enjoy!

SoCS badge by Pamela, at https://achronicalofhope.com/
SoCS badge by Pamela, at https://achronicalofhope.com/

So here’s the story:

I need some dough. No, not the sweet sticky stuff that adds the pounds on our hips. It would be nice to have some again but that’s a different story. This story is about Mary Berry.

You know the British Baking Queen? Of course, she had much more to teach the great British public after they left that exclusive club called EU. Good old recipes like bulking up white bread with sawdust or how to use reconstituted dried eggs in baking. She didn’t get the reputation of a national treasure for nothing.

The plan the EU Underground had hatched was sound: go in, show the images of Johnson, Farage and friends feasting on proper wine and cakes in Italy, Germany or wherever they made their escape to and get out.

No-one expected the Berry ninja moves. My goodness, that old dear could kick butt. Mine still stings. I came into the studio ready to shove the posters in front of the camera but Mary must have been tipped off. She charged at me like a chef on steroids and off I went into the wall. BERCOW!

Illustration of a yellow bang over which it says BERCOW!
Sorry, unfortunately, I have no reference where this comes from. I’ll put credits as soon as I find out.

When I came to she leaned over me grinning madly:” You little sh…. settled status slut you!” she hissed. “You lot destroyed our great British baking tradition with your baguettes and bretzels and panettone. Noone…No-one can remember Horsebread or Iussell. It was time someone did something about that!”

I must have stared at her like a rabbit in front of the snake in the middle of my shredded posters because her eyes suddenly changed into purple glowing Erbolates and I didn’t move. Neither did any of the camera crew. They hid behind their equipment or ran.

“EU no 13 what’s up?” I heard in my earplug. That woke me. I pressed the Tusk security button and my head shot forward into her grinning face. I think I must have put the setting a little high. When I got up and checked, her head lolled backwards. She did not breathe. That’s when I saw the brave one. One ginger camera woman had her camera right in front of us and said triumphantly: ”That was life on tv! You won’t get away with this!”

How right she was. That was my death sentence from the EU Underground. Our first rule:” Utmost secrecy!” So I ran. And now I need some dough…

~~~~~

Sorry Mrs Berry, that you have become a victim of my anti-Brexit stream of consciousness. I have no idea where you stand on Brexit but I hope you’ll forgive me :-). I also assume you would not use foul language like I gave you. Again so sorry :-).

~~~~~

Please head over to Linda’s Prompt Post and check out the comments for more hilarious, serious and plain bonkers SoCS posts. You won’t regret it!!!!

~~~~~

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yellow tea mug with white cup on it. Black writing says:
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7 thoughts on “#SoCS needs dough

  1. That was quite a wild adventure! I don’t understand some details, but did click on some of the links to get clues. I very much enjoyed the sarcasm and overall tone with the reference to the “underground” taking me back to the days of my youth when I romanticized such things. It still has some appeal, like being part of the “resistance.” Great job!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks JoAnna. For me it is more a way of getting to grips with my anxiety around the whole topic. Britain has now a very toxic atmosphere when it comes to Brexit and Brexiteers are upting their game with intimidating passer bies when they demonstrate or giving out death threats to remain politicians. It is awful to see how a sophisticated country like Britain in the space of three years can sink so low and just because a couple of politicians want to shut up the right wing in their parties. What they’ve done was the exact opposite and we are all going to pay for it. 🙋‍♀️🐝

      Like

      1. I understand about toxic political climates. I hope these conditions work out better somehow. But in the meantime, your writing is a good way of dealing with it.

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks a lot Robbie. I have no idea where Mary Berry stands on the Brexit topic I think she keeps out of politics. I would assume she is against it but I have been surprised by a couple of ppl when it comes to it. For example, I never suspected John Cleese to be a Brexiteer. And I also never heard anyone say they have a problem with baguettes 😁. It’s totally made up and I hope we never get to a place where we need a EU undergoing. But it was fun playing around with dough 🙋‍♀️🐝

      Liked by 1 person

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