Hello, nice to meet you!
Please come in, have a cuppa of your favourite beverage and make yourself comfortable.
My name is Bee and I am your hostess on an extraordinary journey: the exploration of self and of self-care if that is what you are looking for.
I am curious: Where have you come from? And where are you going? You have no clear answer to that? Well, you are not alone. That is exactly the point that I found myself in on a cold January evening in 2018 at my old day job: Sales Assistant in a British supermarket.
I was filling up shelves and tables with bread and rolls and suddenly knew I could not do it anymore. I knew I had to leave this job and discover why I was born and what the purpose of my life was. And at the same time, everything inside myself revolted against this knowledge.
“I can’t do that! I can’t let Andy (my husband) down!! How would I pay the bills? What on earth am I thinking?!” So I left and called in sick the next morning. It extended to several months after which I tried to come back and just do what I used to do: Subdue my inner voice and keep paying the bills.
It didn’t work, as you probably guessed. Since then I have had a thousand ideas of how I could make a living and many job applications which all led to nothing. I have been through fear, frustration and resentment of a situation I felt that I have brought myself in. Most of all, I felt guilty. Guilty that my family struggled/struggles with money and that my husband works like a donkey to keep us going. I felt that I let my loved ones down and that at last, I have shown who I really am: A total loser! I am at rock bottom.
I don’t really understand why I am in this place (well, of course, I left my job without having another that’s the obvious bit) however, I believe there is always a reason why we experience certain things. There is a lesson to find in this and I have decided to find the lesson and to find the answers.
When I left the day job I was utterly exhausted. Not only on a physical level but on a mental level too. I used to deal with the mental exhaustion with getting help from the Wellbeing service which usually was cognitive behavioural therapy. This time around I could not get therapy. So I decided to work with what I have: A brain that is capable of thinking and the internet which can give me the information I need. And an un-denying connection to powers that are not obviously seen in this physical reality. However, they look.
The tools I am using currently to find the answers are daily meditation, working with positive affirmations, daily walks with the dog, gardening, self-help and self-improvement books and writing. Blogging more correctly. And a huge part plays creativity: photography and creating mugs that motivate writers and bloggers to write.
My life is a work in progress. Or maybe it is just a proper midlife-crisis. It definitely is a journey and I want to take you with me. Come and see what’s out there. Come and share your experiences and let’s go together. Because journeying and discovering is always more fun together.
I = BEE HALTON
On a spiritual journey
Self and self-care explorer
happily married 2 best husband (Jeremy Clarkson voice) in world
occasional book reviewer
constant book, quote and blog sharer
proudly owned by @Sherkshound,
certified Teacher of English as a Second Language Teacher,
Sales Assistant with an NVQ in Retail
Diploma in social work with main subject work with the elderly
Compared by NARIC as British Bachelor degree standard,
learning to code via freeCodeCamp